Focused in Awareness Course™

Week #3 Addendum

2011-06-21T20:03:00.000-05:00

From the perspective of the separate sense of self – what I refer to internally as well as externally as ‘me,’ ‘myself,’ ‘I’ – from this perspective, there is a sense of ownership and sovereignty: “I exist.” “I experience.” “I have thoughts and feelings.” “I have likes, dislikes, viewpoints, desires and fears, etc.” This is the perspective that we, as human beings, learn, adopt, and apparently ‘naturally’ adapt to. This is the perspective most of us have held for most or all of our lives. But when I am seeing from this perspective, it doesn’t seem like a perspective at all… it seems solid and real – like life and reality.

When ‘something happens’ that apparently causes a shift out of this perspective and into the perspective of bare, naked, impersonal awareness (impersonal, meaning without the clothing of a personal, separate sense of self) life and reality are seen directly, without that overlay or filter of the personal, separate sense of self. In other words, life and reality are seen by no-one. In this perspective of awareness, the personal, separate sense of self is seen to be not as solid as it used to seem! It is seen to be the ephemeral composition of ideas, beliefs, perceptions, interpretations and emotions – all thoughts, all stories in which ‘I’ am the central character. And the entire life and reality of this central character is seen to be a dream of sorts – a dream in which ‘I’ am the central character. The dream can be one of suffering, or one of happiness and success… it’s still a dream of separation.

This dream ‘story of me’ occurs, not separate from, but within the innocence of awareness. And it continues to play out until it doesn’t anymore. It is nothing to combat, shut down, resist, deny or be ashamed of. It is what it is – a play of light, a dream, an illusion of separation that seems absolutely real, but is discovered to be only relatively real. And because it occurs within awareness, within oneness, it is already perfect, whole and complete. Only the story character, the separate sense of self ‘I,’ would make it a problem that needs to be fixed, a dynamic that needs to be stopped, a paradox that needs to be resolved. If ‘you’ could stop the dream from playing out, you would have done so already.

Week #3: The Personal, Separate Sense-of-Self

2011-06-19T12:31:00.000-05:00

For me, at times, what I experience as ‘me and my life’ becomes problematic, heavy, sticky, clogged, bogged down because of a certain situation or relationship issue. It feels like I’m being pulled down, pulled under, drowning in the personal identification with thoughts and feelings.

It is during these times that focusing on the sensation of just this breath becomes a life raft, if only momentarily, that saves me from going under. And while on this life raft, the breath becomes calm and the fog of personal turmoil (and the urgency to get myself free of it) gradually recedes to reveal the clarity of awareness. In the clarity of awareness it is seen that all these thoughts and emotions have created a separate sense of self who needs to do something, needs to figure things out, needs to understand why, needs to be a certain way, in order to get this mess behind ‘me.’

In the clarity of awareness it is seen that this separate sense of self is only a story of me, my life, and others that is based in past and does not need to be carried into future. All of those past associations, stories, stances and perspectives can be dropped with this one breath. What remains is the empty, and simultaneously complete, present unknowing awareness from which any or no action can arise. The burden of the known story of past (i.e., 'me') dissolves, and the freedom of not knowing awareness arises again and again with each breath.

Week #2: Thoughts, Emotions, Equanimity and Awareness

2011-06-11T11:47:00.003-05:00

This is a week of experimenting and discovering - we experiment with an attitude of curiosity and willingness to discover the thoughts and emotions that arise when we are focused in awareness with equanimity.

It is the 'vantage point' or 'perspective' of seeing in the equanimity of awareness that makes it possible to discover the thoughts and associated feelings that otherwise remain 'under our radar' of awareness. These unnoticed thoughts and feelings can, from their apparently hidden, or undiscovered place of habit, wreak havoc in our lives, especially in the area of self-judgment.

We are not going to try to stop these thoughts and feelings. Instead, we commit to allowing their presence with equanimity: we allow the thoughts that we usually identify with to just be (they're already there!), but this time we do not fuel them with our attention by making a story about them. And we do not divert our attention away from a strong feeling, or attempt to categorize or analyze it. Rather, we allow the feeling to run its course through the body, feeling its sensation in the body as totally as we can, again without making a story about it.

And if we recognize ourselves in the midst of self-judgment or other story-telling that we're identifying with, we take that recognition as a cue to immediately focus with equanimity on the sensation of just this breath. Then, we go back to the willingness, the allowing, the vantage point of seeing in the equanimity of awareness whatever thoughts and feelings are arising in that awareness... and dissolving in that awareness.

Perspectives

2011-06-05T22:13:00.000-05:00

There are different perspectives from which to view this Focused in Awareness Course. Here are two: It can be viewed as four, 75 minute classes in which you listen and react to what Ralph says, and you participate in the content of each class, and then you go on as usual in your daily routine. Or, it can be viewed as 28 days of building the capacity to focus in awareness with equanimity in everyday life, and being open to the possibilities that that practice brings to you. I invite you to view the Course from the latter perspective, participating in the weekly classes, yes, but more importantly, making the focus of each week's content an important part of your daily life. I stated in the Course description that this was "a 4-week Course to change your life." Give it a chance and see what happens.

When you get still, quiet and focused on the sensation of breath – completely focused – what is noticed when there is equanimity, when there is no apparent movement on your part to engage in any way whatsoever with what is noticed during that one breath? There may be many other sensations noticed. There may be sounds, visual patterns, pictures, colors, etc. And it may be noticed that all these sensations are occurring without any one sensation being any more important than any other. It may be noticed that all sensations are being allowed equally – no preferences, no associations, no aversions and no attractions – just noticing, just allowing, just awareness with equanimity. It can be noticed that all of what already is can be allowed to be exactly as it is without any judgment, manipulation, control, desire or aversion... and can be experienced directly, as it is, without these overlays.

Having technical difficulties in posting your comment?

2011-06-03T11:43:00.000-05:00

hi every One,

if you're experiencing technical difficulties in posting your comment to the blog, try this (if you haven't already:)

make sure you're signed out of the blog.
go to the blog site. this should bring you to the front page of the blog, where you'll see my Week #1 posting. if it takes you anywhere else, you're not yet signed out of the blog.
click on "comments" and enter your comment.
sign into the blog with your account name and password. this should post your comment.

please let me know if you're still experiencing any difficulties with commenting.

Week #1: Getting Still, Quiet, and Focused with Equanimity

2011-06-02T17:01:00.000-05:00

This first week is devoted to resting in the equanimity that is sensed when we focus only on the sensation of breath in the nostrils. Practice the following for a set period of time, say 5 minutes:

To start, sit down, close your eyes, and get still and quiet. Breathe normally. When you are able to sit still and quiet, focus all your attention on the sensation of breath that you can feel in the nostrils as you inhale and exhale.

Allow with equanimity, everything to be exactly as it is - allow all sensations, sensed from outside your body or inside, all thoughts, and all feelings to just be exactly as they are during the time period you've set for sitting. As each breath comes, focus on the sensation it creates in your nostrils, and allow all else to be exactly as it is.

Notice whatever there is to notice without doing something about it - without 'scratching the itch,' without engaging in self-talk, interpretation, story-making, wondering, etc. And if you find yourself already caught up in a thought, feeling or sensation, don't give it a second thought! Simply return your focus to sensation of the breath that is occurring right now. Notice that all sensations, feelings and thoughts rise up and eventually dissolve away. Notice that only awareness remains constant. Rest in the equanimity of that awareness. This is the practice for Week #1.

Week #4 Application in Daily Life

2011-05-25T16:36:00.000-05:00

Following are the practice points from Week #4, with the practical explanation/application for each point.

Practice ‘seeing’ the thought stories and beliefs that comprise a sense of separation.

Any thought that presents a story of ‘me’ – a sense of me, picture of me as a separate person, me as the subject and the rest of the world as object, me in comparison with another person, my history/future, etc. – is an elemental component of the separate-feeling, personal sense-of-self.
Just pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling, and when you are aware of this kind of thought go the breath in equanimity and see it, from the perspective of being focused in awareness, for what it actually is: a thought about reality, and not reality.

Practice not believing everything we think.

Again, view thought from the perspective of being focused in awareness with equanimity and you will see that what you might have previously taken for truth or reality is only a belief – a thought.

Practice experiencing the direct, felt sense of seeing/perceiving everyday life as it is, without the overlay or filter of conditioned thoughts and belief systems.

The direct, felt-sense of awareness is what occurs when you are focused in awareness with equanimity. When what is is perceived from this perspective, it is seen in clarity because it is awareness, seeing. But when there is an overlay of thought in the form of ‘you,’ what is is seen from your perspective, i.e., through the filters of you as a personal, separate sense of self. With practice, you'll be able to easily discern between belief and what is.

Week #3 - Expanding the Content

2011-05-23T15:33:00.001-05:00

Week 3 focuses on the personal, separate sense-of-self. In the outline for the Course, this week's description states that the content for this week "shines the light of awareness on the self that we think we are, and explores the possibility of what we truly are." To lay the ground work for this week's practicing, let's look at these words and what they are trying to describe:

The 'personal, separate sense-of-self is 'the self that we think we are.' The concept here (until it becomes experiential rather than conceptual) is that the 'I' thought is the I... there is no entity, 'I' other than the thought, 'I.' This 'self' is re-created (reincarnated) with every thought that is taken for granted to be 'my thought' or 'about me.' It is defined by thought. It includes the felt sense of separation within our bodies in any given moment that accompanies the thoughts, beliefs, ideas, perceptions, interpretations, stories, etc., that appear to be 'about me.' And because thought, by its very nature, is dualistic, i.e., it separates everything into subject and object, the personal, separate sense-of-self inherently feels incomplete, not whole, not enough.

'Awareness' can only be loosely described with words because awareness is not a 'thing' and words (thoughts) can only describe things (even imagined things). For our purposes here in this Course, awareness might be described as that which is always already present, and which allows all else to appear/exist within its presence. All 'things' - even the sense/experience of separation - come and go within awareness, which neither comes nor goes. Awareness is oneness. Awareness is what you truly are.

'Shining the light of awareness' on the thoughts that comprise this personal, separate sense-of-self is what occurs when we are focused in awareness with equanimity and can impersonally 'see' the thought structures that, up until now, we have taken for granted to be who we are.

When we are 'running on automatic' there is a constant identification with thoughts about 'me' that seem to create and maintain this separate entity that we call 'me.' Taking into consideration the fact that we probably have been doing this all our lives through conditioned thinking, how can we not automatically identify with these thoughts? By 'seeing' thought from the perspective of equanimity! When there is equanimity, i.e., when there are no stories of 'me' being created and identified with in reaction to what is happening, there remains only what is happening within alive, intelligent, present awareness. And there is no 'me' other than the thought of me.

You can try this out right now: Begin by focusing only on the sensation of this breath. At first, there is only sensation - breathing, bodily sensations, outside sounds, thoughts, etc. If there is focus with equanimity, there is no distinction being made between "me' and 'not me.' Soon after, however, there seems to be 'awareness of' what is happening; thought comes and there is ownership of this awareness: "I am aware of breathing, thinking," etc. There is a subtle, habitual sense of a central entity, a personal sense-of-self, 'me,' that is the sovereign of these thoughts and experiences and claims ownership of an 'experience of awareness' - "I am aware! I have awareness now!" But in actuality, I cannot have awareness. I cannot see with awareness. When 'I' disappears, all is seen in the clarity of awareness.

Our conditioned thinking cannot be seen from within conditioned thinking, but it can be seen from the perspective of awareness with equanimity. If you can look with curiosity, without judgment, and with compassion from this perspective, you will be able to see where and how the separate sense-of-self is created and maintained by thought. Don't take it personally! Equanimity is accepting what is simply because it already is, and for no other reason. Acceptance requires a letting go of the habitual tendency to react with thought - don't give it a second thought. But in practicality, and because of habit, a second thought or reaction to what is may very well arise. It is at this critical point that you take the next breath focused in awareness with equanimity. Then, you will see what is in clarity (the light of awareness) instead of seeing through the filter of your thoughts, interpretations, stories, etc.

Week #2 - Reminders, Practices and More

2011-05-14T10:59:00.000-05:00

Reminders:

Discover how being focused in awareness with equanimity enables the ‘seeing’ of conditioned thought systems and patterns that are usually unnoticed (as when we’re ‘running on automatic’).
Experience the difference between awareness followed by self-judgment, and awareness followed by self-acceptance.
Explore/Experience how self-judgment acts as the glue that holds “unconscious” habit patterns in place, and how equanimity acts as a solvent.
Discover that we are capable of experiencing our emotions with equanimity. Jill Bolte Taylor's '90 second rule.' (see blog archives, 2009, Week #6). Also, a short statement of the 90 second rule: http://www.squidoo.com/stroke-of-insight#module52542601.
Approaching the discovery of thought systems with curiosity and compassion.

Practice:

Search for the word “equanimity” in the blog archives from 2009 and 2010; read the resulting entries.
Read about the 90 second rule in blog archives (see above).
Practice the allowing, accepting, spaciousness of equanimity during mental and emotional turmoil. Practice not resisting upset and disruption with strategies; instead, allow what is with equanimity. If possible, see the thoughts that arise to support or combat emotional states.
Practice shifting from judgment to breath in equanimity.

When you're running on automatic you're not focusing on breath, and you're in the past or the future... i.e., in thought. focusing on just this breath with equanimity brings you into 'the present' where thought and feeling can be allowed without 'having to' do something with them. Then, spontaneity arises instead of running on automatic.

Here’s the heart of Week 1 and a preview of Week 2:

2011-05-08T16:46:00.001-05:00

Let’s say there exists a state of mind, or state of being, or emotional state (all referring to the same thing here, doesn’t matter what you call it) that is problematic for us in that it is habitual, seems uncontrollable and produces ill effects in our life. And it has been dealt with (or not dealt with) in whatever way is our familiar way, but it doesn’t work. Because when this particular state arises, we fall victim to its repercussions again and again, no matter how hard we TRY not to. So, this time, we’re going to create a new groove in the brain… this time we are NOT GOING TO TRY AT ALL!

This time, we are going to shift attention to sensation of just this breath. It will require as much practice as it requires – there is no set amount of practice, because we don’t know how much practice is needed, and we don’t have to know. We just have to be serious about our intent to practice shifting our attention to breath even though thought is demanding that we “do something about this problem!” We don’t try to shut down the thoughts that are describing the problem, and we don’t try to shut down the thoughts that are demanding some kind of action, or the thoughts that are criticizing our apparent lack of taking action.

For just this breath, we devote our entire life to focusing only on the sensation of breath. That’s the practice. Thought may put up resistance, may put up a struggle, may put up a war! It doesn’t matter. We are perhaps shattering a lifetime-old pattern by not giving that thought our attention, by giving sensation of breath attention instead. Just this breath.

And allow gentle compassion for the self that has fallen victim to this pattern of thought all her/his life, and focus only on sensation of breath, knowing that awareness will bring no harm to you.

Week #1

2011-05-07T10:24:00.001-05:00

This week we are practicing remaining still, quiet and focused on nothing else than the sensation of breath for one breath at a time.

And although we are 'practicing,' no amount of trying will work! That's because trying is not necessary... only allowing works. Allowing what already is to just be... equanimity. In equanimity, there is no trying or not trying, there is no movement of the personal sense-of-self (i.e., thought) to do anything. When there is no thought movement, the stillness of awareness is sensed in equanimity. Thinking about getting still, quiet and focused with equanimity is done within the movement of thought - it is conceptual. Being still, quiet and focused with equanimity is experiential.

Focusing only on sensation brings the movement of thought to a stop long enough to recognize that awareness, or presence, is there and to realize that it is always there. In the stillness, the silence, the equanimity of awareness, when thought does arise - and it will simply because of conditioning - it is seen as just that: a thought arising in awareness. And then the thought dissolves in awareness. There is no movement to do anything with that thought, including taking it personally as 'my thought' or a thought 'about me.' Rather, it is seen in equanimity for what it is - a movement of energy that arises and dissolves within the stillness of awareness.

So, this week, we just have to be serious about our intent to practice shifting our attention to breath even though thought is demanding that we do something. For just this breath, we devote our entire life to focusing only on the sensation of breath. That’s the practice.

Welcome to the 4-Week Focused in Awareness Course

2011-04-16T14:15:00.000-05:00

As we begin this new 4-week Course session, I want to point out that I have kept the archived postings from previous sessions on the blog site. These postings will give you access to the material covered in past sessions, before the Course was shortened to four weeks.

Week #7 (5/26/2010)

2010-06-02T15:53:00.024-05:00

In the midst of a reactive pattern - a thought structure that, in the past, may have held you tightly bound within its grasp through identification/engagement for minutes, hours or longer, with no apparent freedom from its grip - in the midst of that pattern, focus with equanimity on just this breath.

It's simple. And not always easy because of the emotional component! But doing it extricates you for that one breath from the burden of identification with/ engagement in/ reaction to, the “story” being created by the thought structure. It also shows you without doubt that there is a perspective in that equanimity that makes it possible for you to acknowledge the thought pattern, but not engage in it… it’s possible to not react – “not scratch the itch.”

Keeping the focus on the sensation of breath with equanimity, it can be "seen" that the habitual thought structure is simply thought, running on by itself, creating a story of “you.” It is seen as only a thought story, not reality, not who you are. The apparent grip that the mental/emotional thought structure had on you is dissolved: no identification with the “you” story, no grip! And in the absence of identification with the “you” story, what remains is awareness. Then, whatever happens next happens from that perspective of awareness and not from the perspective of a story of “you.” (“When the experiencer falls away, then there is total equanimity with whatever arises…” - Jeff Foster, The Revelation of Oneness)

Focusing on just this breath with equanimity loosens the identification as a personal sense-of-self and “opens the door” to focusing in awareness. Being focused in awareness can “open the door” to just Beingness. Beingness is Life living itself without the “middleman” thought filter of the separate-seeming, personal sense-of-self: without the "you," the “me.” It's Life living itself without being a “someone” or “something.” It’s liberation, freedom. It's being in the world, but not of the world.

Week #6 (5/19/10)

2010-05-21T10:16:00.003-05:00

If you can get a sense of your sense-of-self in this moment, you will have direct information regarding the source of any feelings of anxiety, fear, lack or incompleteness ("not-enoughness"), frustration, anger, etc. If you pay very close attention to this sense-of-self feeling, you will sense the urge to do something or be something/someone. All of these feelings and motivations come from our personal sense-of-self. They can all be seen while sitting quietly, focusing with equanimity on the sensation of breath or inner body energy.

If focus on breath is allowed to turn toward and identify with these thoughts, feelings and motivations, the personal sense-of-self is re-born. But if focus remains on breath, with equanimity, the sense of impersonal Awareness - Being - is felt and directly experienced. Focused in the sense of impersonal Awareness, all the thought structures that previously defined who and what we are - our personal sense-of-self - are seen to be what they really are: temporary phenomena, arising and dissolving away in constant Awareness. In fact, the personal sense-of-self is Awareness, Oneness, Wholeness, appearing as a personal sense-of-self!

Your practice for this week is to allow that sense of impersonal Awareness to permeate your daily routine. During a single breath, allow yourself to shift your focus away from thought and the resulting personal sense-of-self to the sense of already present, impersonal Awareness.

"Yet Natural Being is such an ordinary and gentle constant. When it is seen it is. When it is avoided it is. It requires no effort and demands no standards. Being timeless there is no path to tread, no debt to pay. When this is heard and confusion collapses, when the contraction of struggling to get something falls away and the vibrant energy of being aliveness becomes apparent, something else is seen, very naturally of course, because it is already all that is." - Tony Parsons

Week #5 (5/12/10)

2010-05-15T17:29:00.000-05:00

Focusing in thought results in a sense-of-self because there is identification with the thought. Focusing with equanimity on sensation inside the body, e.g., on the sensation of breath, results in a sensing of awareness - of Being.

Sitting quietly, attention focused on breath, thoughts and/or feelings arise and are "seen" with equanimity - there is no movement to "scratch the itch." It is seen that this thought, if not given a second thought (which results in identification and a sense-of-self by making a story of "me" in relation to the initial thought) simply dissolves back into the awareness from whence it arose. Thoughts and feelings are seen to arise and fall away, but the sense of awareness remains. The separate-seeming sense-of-self falls away and the sense of awareness remains - aliveness, awareness, Being.

When you return focus to breath - just this breath - during the day, in the midst of your daily routine, the sense of awareness comes into focus and the incomplete sense-of-self falls away... just for an instant... just to remind you that your real "identity" is the alive awareness, being, and you don't have to "scratch the itch" in that moment - you don't have to identify with a habitual, sense-of-self reaction! You can remain focused in Awareness. Practice this during the week.

Week #4 (5/5/10)

2010-05-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

Focusing with equanimity on the sensation of breath in the nostrils, or on the sensation of vibration, tingling, pulsing, etc., inside the hands... this is a tool. We have been practicing the application of this tool within a specific set and setting, i.e., while sitting still and quiet for an allotted period of time. With this tool, we have been building our capacity to focus only on the feeling of sensation, without thinking about the sensation and without doing anything about the sensation. For example, when we are sitting quietly and we suddenly have a disturbing thought or hear a loud motorcycle pass by outside, this thought or this sound is heard with equanimity - it already is, and it is part of everything else that already is, and we accept what is without reacting to it or making a story out it. What we directly experience is that this thought or this sound always passes away - it is temporary - but the Awareness that allows us to perceive the thought or sound remains! In this way, we are glimpsing or tasting Awareness, through direct experience.

This awareness is the direct experience of simply being, without any thinking or conceptualizing about what is. In the instant of this direct experience, this glimpse, this taste, where is your separate entity sense-of-self - the "me," the "I"? Is there a separate sense-of-self present, or does it only come in after the fact, when thinking says something like, "I" just felt a sense of peace, wholeness and completeness!"? Explore this yourself this week, during your sitting times. Take advantage of as many opportunities that present themselves to you to sit for 5, 10 or 15 minutes and be focused in awareness, glimpsing, tasting, resting in awareness without conceptualizing what is.

Week #3 (4/28/10)

2010-04-30T09:53:00.000-05:00

In class this evening, we discussed what "obstacles" present themselves to us when we attempt to sit still and quiet and focus in awareness with equanimity. The actual act of sitting still and quiet and focusing in awareness with equanimity is not difficult; in fact, it happens naturally and with ease once we actually sit down to practice. The difficult part for many of us is getting to the point of sitting down! Yes, some amount of commitment is necessary here, especially if you're not used to making the time to sit still and quiet.

Constant thinking also appears to be an obstacle, but be careful about rationalizing around this - we human beings think - period. It's futile to try to shut down thinking while you're practicing - if that had worked, you'd have no need to get quiet in the first place! And besides, only thought would want to try to shut thought down: the mind says that you must quiet your thinking, and you must engage in trying to do that. Equanimity allows what already is to be, without trying to change it or resist it in any way: thinking arises, you become aware that you're engaged in it, identified with it, but because you are practicing equanimity, as soon as you're aware of being engaged in thinking, you immediately return your focus to inner sensation. You don't give the thinking a second thought!

Compassion helps a lot. Explore having compassion for the "me" that constantly gets caught up in identification with thought - especially thought that occurs in the form of old, habitual, unhealthy patterns. When you focus in the awareness of sitting still and quiet with equanimity, you will actually "see" these thoughts. You will be able to see them because you are not completely caught up in them - you are able to see them because you are seeing from the perspective of focusing in awareness, and not from the perspective of thinking. In that moment of equanimity, you can sense deeply that you are not your thoughts, and the habitual identification with thinking gradually dissolves away, replaced by a sense of just being - alive, present, aware being.

Practice for this week: The whole purpose of practicing in these first four weeks is to build the capacity for focusing in awareness with equanimity while sitting still and quiet so you can then start applying this "tool" of focusing in awareness when you are actively engaged in your daily life. If you don't practice this now, if you don't build and strengthen this tool now, you won't be able to use the tool when you need it out in your daily life. Continue practicing at least once a day, sitting for at least 5 minutes. If you feel comfortable for sitting longer, then do it. If you feel you're sitting too long, decrease the time to comfortable level.

Week #2 Practice

2010-04-25T09:41:00.000-05:00

Click on the Week #2 Practice link in the panel at the right for a 10 minute recording of our meditation practice during this week's class. You can listen to it for a helpful reminder for getting still, quiet, and focusing with equanimity.

2010-04-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

Hi Ralph and class! I was practicing and have had difficulty with my thoughts distracting me. I have made up a mantra; "one" on the inhale, and "breath" on the exhale. I am still focusing on the cool air as it enters my nose and the warm air as it leaves; however, this little mantra helps me to maintain my focus on that "one breath at a time". I am noticing that I am better able to not get caught up in my thoughts and; therefore, am returning more quickly to the breath. Is this ok?

Week #2 (4/21/10)

2010-04-22T19:55:00.000-05:00

This week we looked at how thought can create a sense of separation, and how the sense of separation creates feelings of incompleteness, not being whole, not being "enough," and the endless, futile seeking to get more so that we can feel enough. And we experienced that when we focus completely on the sensation (of breath or inner body energy) with equanimity, there is an allowing of all to be exactly as it is, and this creates a sense of wholeness, peace, "enoughness" - a recognition of present awareness - without the need for thought.

Identification with the thought-created and thought-sustained sense-of-self is how we hold on to habitual patterns. This identification comes entirely from the past and gives us a sense of security: we apparently know who and what we are. But on closer examination, we see that who and what we think we are right now is coming from thought about who and what we were in the past! When the sense-of-self is not derived from thought, your life doesn't end - it becomes fresh! Life becomes simply being - alive, present, awareness.

Awareness is not some thing you can get from the outside and then own... awareness is inside, always present, always here, now. It simply takes a shift of perspective out of identification with the separate-seeming, thought-based sense-of-self into the sense of oneness of awareness.

Practice for this week: Each day, for a 10 minute period, get still, quiet and focused on the sensation of either the breath inside the nostrils or the sensation of energy inside the hands - whichever is most comfortable and prominent for you. And remember that there is no goal to be reached - the practice itself is the goal.

Week #1 (4/14/10)

2010-04-16T11:44:00.002-05:00

As we shared why we are interested in focusing in awareness, we reaffirmed that most human beings (and all of us in the class) currently experience a desire to either stop or control what we recognize as conditioned thinking: untrue/patterned/unhealthy beliefs, perceptions, concepts, stories, pictures, movies, etc. We saw that we quickly judge these thoughts, which only holds them in place with more thought, and judge ourselves for thinking these thoughts - a vicious circle! What to do?

It was suggested that struggling with, or trying to control or stop thought, only fuels thought and creates more, or secondary thought around the original thought. How can we stop fueling thought without fighting with it? Equanimity. Equanimity means being aware of thought without the reaction of judging, controlling, manipulating, doing, pushing away, denying, making stories, etc. Equanimity is allowing what already is to be as it is without doing something with it. Noticing sensations, thoughts or feelings with equanimity allows them to run their course as the temporary phenomena that they are: they rise up and they dissolve away, IF we don't hold onto them with more thought.

We start practicing equanimity by getting still, quiet and focused on a sensation (either the feeling of breath in the nostrils as we breathe, or the feeling of inner body energy or aliveness in our hands). We do this one breath at a time, focusing completely on the sensation. When we do this, some distraction will come - a different sensation, a noise from outside, a thought. Sooner or later, we will become aware that our focus is now directed toward that distraction. This is the crucial point of applying equanimity! How? By not giving the distraction a second thought... by applying the equation: distraction = return my focus to breath (or inner energy). And this becomes the practice: focusing with equanimity, one breath at a time.

Homework for Week #1: Practice getting still, quiet and focused on sensation with equanimity for at least five minutes, at least once a day. And during your day, when you are not sitting still and being quiet, begin to focus inside, on just one breath, and notice what happens.

Week #10 - Practicing

2009-12-07T14:16:00.004-06:00

We established that we each have been able to get still, quiet and focused in awareness during meditation, resulting in a felt sense of being focused in awareness. We also established that we each have been able to apply this tool of getting still, quiet and focused in awareness amidst living our daily lives, and that it is a matter of practicing using this tool so that focusing in awareness becomes a part of our everyday lives. And this focusing in awareness brings us directly into the present, the here and now.

So, have compassion for yourself when you see the self-judgment that's been carried on from habit, and practice these short moments of awareness!

Week #9: Habitual Reaction to Emotions

2009-11-23T11:26:00.003-06:00

We’ve been talking about emotions and our relationship to them – how we react to them – and how it is possible to see that the emotion is one thing and our reaction to the emotion is something else. Our habitual reaction to an uncomfortable emotion is to take some action within ourselves in relationship to it, e.g.: disregard it, shut it down, cover it up, protect ourselves from it, judge it, even tell ourselves convincing stories of not-enoughness or wrongness because we’re feeling it. All of that is our relationship to the emotion. The relationship is between the emotion and a sense-of-self that is identified with/defined by the beliefs, meanings, etc. that are associated with feeling this particular emotion.

We talked about an alternative response to this habitual reaction: Acknowledge the emotion when it expresses, and honor its existence by allowing it (with equanimity) to be felt as is, rather than slipping immediately, from habit, into attaching a meaning to the feeling, interpreting it, telling ourselves a story about it. Just allowing, with equanimity, in awareness, whatever feeling/emotion is there, allowing its felt expression in the body – just for 90 seconds. 90 seconds of experiencing the emotion in focused awareness.

And paying attention to what the emotion itself is telling you, rather than listening to the stories that habitual reactions tell you, as if they were truth. This is a fresh perspective, one that is no longer defined by, identified with, a filter of beliefs, meanings and stories. With this fresh perspective in awareness, the habitual reactions are seen for what they are: a closed circuit of thought about us, defining who we are (scared, anxious, frustrated, angry, lonely, stupid, etc.) in relation to this emotion. But because the habitual reaction is habitual, it may well appear again. producing the same uncomfortable result over and over, leaving us with the impression that we are, essentially, victims of our emotions. And so goes the ongoing struggle to control them.

So it may become a process that is practiced over time (and that’s okay!): we practice recognizing an emotion and allowing a response that is different from the habitual reaction – a response of focused awareness, without judgment… even with non-assuming curiosity toward the emotion, feeling its energy in the body, allowing its existence within us by giving it the space it needs to express, realizing that in allowing it this space, we are ‘bigger’ than it and are no longer a victim to it.

And in the felt sense of awareness we come to not feeling victim to a conditioned behavior when we find ourselves exhibiting it. That conditioned response, that automatic reaction that apparently occurs without thinking because previous thinking has already burned into our brain pathways, that assumed truth of our identity, all those beliefs that make it all work together as a false sense-of-self… all of that not true. We are not a victim to that. And there is no longer a need to engage a false sense-of-self in opposition, because it seen that there is really no opponent, that the opponent is itself, just conditioned thought – thought that no longer defines who and what we are.

Week #8: Bridging the (apparent) Gap

2009-11-23T11:14:00.002-06:00

When we first start off exploring our true nature, we take ourselves to be a person who is identified with her/his thoughts, sensations and experiences, i.e., we take ourselves to be the felt, mind-created, seemingly separate sense-of-self. Then, we experience the felt-sense of Awareness – the stillness, silence and peaceful expansion of awareness – and we begin to accept the reality of awareness as our sense-of-self. But it appears that awareness “comes and goes,” and our seemingly separate sense-of-self comes back into the foreground of our life, and the sense-of-self-as-awareness recedes into the background, and there appears to be a gap.

The gap can produce conflict, e.g., when a person dumps on you with an inconsiderate or rude comment, you blow up at them and then say to yourself: “Why did I just blow up in anger at that person? I should have been able to deal with his inconsiderate comments with equanimity!” Can you see that, in this statement to yourself, you are sustaining an identity – a pre-defined sense-of-self? That sense-of-self takes the inconsiderate comment personally. This can only happen if thought produces a story of how ‘you’ are being hurt (insulted, demeaned, etc.) by these words, and that this person should not have made these comments to you (you didn’t deserve it, etc.). Then comes your reaction, which is based on another story of ‘you,’ and you may retaliate with anger or slink off into a corner and hide.

This whole scenario played out according to conditioned thought structures of perception, interpretation and reaction; there was a habitual identification with (belief in) these thought structures as ‘you.’ Examine these thought structures and the feelings they produce. They are there now only because of habit and, most likely, were created to protect a story-based sense-of-self of the past. Acknowledge that you are still identifying with that sense-of-self who feels she needs to protect herself, or still feels not-enough. Why acknowledge it? Because it’s obviously already there, and it’s still wreaking havoc in your life! Acknowledge that there are story-based thought structures that produce a sense-of-self that feels not-enough, or incomplete, or separate, or isolated, or mad at the world, or a victim, or a know-it-all, or who is ‘different’ – whatever the conditioned story is. Acknowledge with gratitude of clear-seeing that each story-based sense-of-self came into existence as thought’s (mind’s, ego’s) way of helping you to survive in the world! And acknowledge that, when seen from the perspective of awareness, of Presence, these apparently real and solid senses-of-self are, in fact, only thought structures, without any substance of their own apart from what you feed them when you identify with them as ‘you.’

Acknowledge them, and in the spaciousness of awareness (with equanimity), allow them to dissipate and dissolve. Or, you could take this thought-created self into you with compassion, absorbing it completely with your acceptance, thus neutralizing its energetic need for an apparently separate existence. Allow the felt-sense of awareness to be more and more your identified-with sense-of-self – a sense-of-self that is here and now, not pre-defined and conditioned by past stories. And the next time someone dumps on you with inconsiderate or demeaning comments and you feel the conditioned reaction rising up, shift your focus immediately into awareness and see the lie of the stories of ‘you’ of the past and feel the Truth of you, now. And watch the supposed ‘gap’ gradually dissolve!

"A person's true life is the way in which she puts off the lie imposed by others on her. This is a matter of being, and not of becoming. The lie can not become the truth; the personality cannot become your soul. And striving towards the truth is nothing but creating more confusion. The truth has not to be achieved. It cannot be achieved, it is already the case. Only the lie has to be dropped. Recognize the fact that, as you are, you are a lie. Manipulated, cultivated by others. Striving after truth is a distraction and a postponement. It is the lie’s way to hide. See the lie, look deep into the lie of your personality. Because to see the lie is to cease the lie. No longer to lie is to seek no more for any truth – there is no need. The moment the lie disappears, truth is there in all its beauty and radiance. In the seeing of the lie it disappears, and what is left is the truth."
– Osho Zen Tarot

Week #7 Reminder!

2009-11-04T18:20:00.000-06:00

Disruption comes in many forms. The tendency is to fall back on old patterns of survival to cope with unsettling events. DON'T JUMP SHIP JUST BECAUSE THE WATER HAS GOTTEN TURBULENT! You know how to get still. You know how to get quiet. You know how to focus on the sensation of just this breath. Instead of falling back on old, conditioned thought patterns, USE WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW - FOCUS IN AWARENESS. When you focus on just the sensation of this breath, there a felt sense of awareness. Stay with that. Focus into that. Allow all to be as it already is, and surrender any thought-motivated desire to change what is in any way. If you need to take action, let it come from awareness, not from outmoded, conditioned thought. You have the 'tool' of focusing in awareness. USE IT!

Week #6 Recap & Exploration

2009-10-29T17:38:00.004-05:00

Part I of this course – the first six weeks – was all about building a tool: the capacity to focus in Awareness. Now we'll take that tool into Part II and focus on using the tool outside the arena of sitting meditation. It’s going to be very important that you remain aware of what happens when you use the tool and when there appears to be an obstacle to focusing in awareness, so you can discuss these topics during class time.

Here are some highlights from Week #6 class:

We shared our experiences with last week’s assignment, i.e., what happened when we focused in awareness and saw a reaction thought and/or emotion.
When habitual thought/feeling reactions ‘take over,’ there is a tendency to not focus in awareness, but rather to focus on whatever thoughts and feelings are occurring, and whatever interpretations, meanings and stories are associated with that habitual pattern. But if we can maintain a focus in awareness with equanimity, just as we practiced doing during meditation, we don’t 'join with' those thoughts/emotions – we don’t give them the energy they need to keep running, the energy they receive from focusing on them, and as a result they lose their oomph and wither away.
Acknowledge that, in the instant you see a pattern playing out, it is awareness that is allowing you to do that – the tool of focusing in awareness is working! Now focus (with equanimity!) in the awareness of the thought/feeling – not in the thought/feeling. Doing that will allow you to remain aware of what is occurring without becoming identified with it, without getting all caught up in it. And the next time you see yourself getting caught up in a reaction, you can remember that you have another option available in your repertoire: you can focus on the sensation of one breath and then continue to focus in awareness (with equanimity) on the breath and on your reaction.
Remember that as you practice and hone this tool of focusing in awareness, you will be more aware of the habitual patterns you have been reacting to, and your initial reaction may be one of judgment. But with continued practice of allowing what already is to just be, see how viewing your reactions from the perspective of being focused in awareness changes your relationship to these patterns. From this perspective, you’ll be able to see the difference between what it is you’re reacting to and the reaction itself – what you’re doing with what is: the judgments, meanings, interpretations and stories about what is, that thoughts are creating.

The 90 Second Emotion Rule (as described on the Denise Renye, PsyD Candidate Blog):

“In her amazing book, MY STROKE OF INSIGHT: A BRAIN SCIENTIST'S PERSONAL JOURNEY, Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., maintains that it takes about 90 seconds to pass through the physical phase of experiencing an emotion...

Taylor says it takes "less than 90 seconds" for an emotion to get triggered, surge chemically through the blood stream, then get flushed out. She goes on to assert that within this brief period of time, the automatic emotional response is complete, so that whatever we feel after that is our choosing. Stunning information! Her take is that we need to be present and open to the feeling at whatever intensity it comes. If we short-circuit it, we won't receive the full impact of the message it's delivering. Alternately, if we continue to stoke the fires of the emotion, we're holding on to discomfort unnecessarily.

Emotions can feel terrifying because of their power and what we believe about them. Some folks are convinced they cannot tolerate affective discomfort and, therefore, choose to eat or in other ways distract themselves to avoid it. Others rationalize or minimize their emotions and, therefore, are not completely present to them. Still others intensify feelings by over-focusing on them until they really do become unbearable and feel overwhelming.

Where are you on this continuum? Where do you want to be? Can you really not stand to feel an emotion for 90 seconds? Next time you're stressed or distressed, grab your watch or keep your eyes on the clock. Watch the second hand go ‘round one and one-half times. Notice how you feel. Get in the habit of observing how long the physical part of experiencing an emotion takes. Pay attention to what you're feeling and see if you can simply allow the emotion to wash over and through you. Do nothing, just let it flow.

If you allow yourself the full 90 seconds of experiencing a feeling while staying mindfully in neutral, congratulate yourself. If you distracted yourself before the chemicals were able to naturally flush through your system, be compassionate and remind yourself to try to do better next time. If you're still hanging onto your feelings after 90 seconds, gently pry yourself away with the reminder that you no longer need to hold on. You felt what you felt and hopefully gained insight or information from the experience and now it's time to let go. Ninety seconds, that's all it takes.”

Lastly, we talked about what we were going to do in the next six weeks during class time, i.e., exploring the non-duality perspectives – and our reactions to them – of Scott Kiloby, Candice O’Denver, Jeff Foster, Tony Parsons and others.

Assignment: Set aside some time to reflect on your experience during the first six weeks of this course and write down any specific insights about yourself (e.g., your thought patterns, habitual reactions, etc.) and/or changes in your perspective that occurred as a result of focusing in awareness. Please email your responses to me before our next meeting on November 2.

Note: It would be good to keep doing the meditation, and you can simply think of it as getting still and quiet, and focusing in awareness on the sensation of breath. And then allow the felt sense of awareness itself to be what is focused on.

Week #5 Recap & Exploration

2009-10-20T19:07:00.005-05:00

In class last night I said that the 'assignment' was to be aware of thoughts and feelings during meditation, and to be aware of any thought or feeling you then have in reaction to them. And then to let go of them. I want to clarify what I'm asking of you to explore.

First let your breath help you focus in awareness. And focused in awareness, when a thought or emotion arises, or pops ups, allow, with equanimity, its presence - its 'facticity'; it's already a thought or feeling. Instead of disallowing, or disregarding, the thought or feeling, you are allowing it 100%. You don't resist or try to change in any way what already is. And when you offer no resistance to what is, what is is seen as it is, without any overlay of thought about it or about you. It is seen and allowed to be what it is, but no more is made of it. The allowing itself is awareness. Feel what that feels like to let it go entirely, and return to focus in awareness.

And so the 'practice' goes, both when you are stopping to meditate and when you are on the go in your daily life. How many thoughts do you have in one day? Whatever the amount, that's how many opportunities you have to explore being focused in awareness.

Journey well!

Week #4 Recap & Weekly Exploration

2009-10-19T13:10:00.000-05:00

This past week has been a challenge for me to bring focus to just this present breath! Was it for you? Sometimes, it's just that way. No matter... the next breath is always available (until it's not) to focus on.

What happens when you focus completely on the sensation of breath? When I focus all my attention on just the sensation of breath and nothing else, there is awareness of that sensation, awareness of other sensations (sounds, smells, bodily sensations, etc.), awareness of thoughts, and something else... there is awareness of the focusing itself. It's not me "being aware of" focusing in awareness (although thought may tell "me' that an instant later). No, it's a direct, aware sensing into the essence of focusing itself... it's awareness of awareness. In your exploration, see if you discover this for yourself, in your own experience.

Week #3 Recap & Weekly Exploration

2009-10-07T13:32:00.001-05:00

As we continued to focus attention on the sensation of breath at the nostrils, we noticed the many and varied distractions that pull our attention away from this focus. And we noticed the habitual tendency to engage our focus in thought if we are not noticing with equanimity.

Noticing with equanimity is the same as allowing what already is to just be. In any given moment, we have the ability to focus our attention on the sensation of one breath right now, and allow everything (i.e., all content, all phenomena: thoughts, feelings, experiences or states, and other sensations) to be exactly as it is without doing anything about it. Practicing equanimity, or allowing, during meditation is how we are stopping the habit of reacting - usually with more thinking (internal judging, story-making, commenting, etc.) - to what is. We are strengthening our capacity to focus with equanimity during meditation so that we are capable of focusing on breath and allowing what is, when we are not in meditation.

This week, continue to practice this and see if you can increase your meditation to ten minutes, twice a day. Start your meditation with a deep, 'let-go' breath, focused completely on the sensation at the nostrils for one complete inhalation and exhalation. Repeat the deep breath once or twice again if necessary. Let it pull all your attention to it like a magnet. Then, as the breath resumes its natural depth and frequency all by itself, continue to focus all (shoot for 100%!) your attention on the sensation of breath and on allowing what is to just be - one breath at a time.

And if you have time, check out one or two of the Non-dual Realization links at the right side of this page to familiarize yourself with what these concepts are pointing to.

Things to remember...

2009-10-01T11:35:00.000-05:00

The underlying goal and purpose of these first six weeks is for you to gain the capacity for using meditation as a tool for recognizing, or being aware of, awareness itself.
You are always already aware of whatever "phenomena" or "content" your attention is focused on: thoughts, feelings, sensations or experiences. Meditation allows you to directly experience being aware of the sense of stillness, silence and spaciousness, which is simple awareness without phenomena, without content.
When you identify with the content of your life (the "normal" way of living), who and what you take yourself to be is dependent on what you are thinking, feeling, sensing or experiencing - all temporary phenomena. During meditation, you just notice the arising and passing away of content with equanimity from the perspective of content-less stillness, silence and spaciousness.
From the perspective of being focused in awareness, as you see all content as temporary phenomena that arise and dissipate, you begin to sense, and have confidence in, the solidity and permanence of awareness as your primary identity.
As we move through this 12-week course, your confidence in the solidity and permanence of awareness as your primary identity will strengthen, as will your capacity to focus in awareness even when you are not in meditation. But for now, just practice the meditation perseveringly with patience, compassion and gentleness for yourself.

Week #2 Recap and Weekly Exploration:

2009-09-30T16:05:00.001-05:00

When you sit to meditate, get still and quiet. Then focus all your attention on the sensation of breath at the nostril area (“home base”). Notice the stillness you are aware of when your attention is focused only on the sensations of breath. Notice the silence and spaciousness you are aware of when you focus all your attention on the sensations of breath. Notice whatever phenomena that may arise: thoughts, emotions, other sensations, experiences. Whatever arises, notice it with equanimity. Keep re-focusing your attention on the feeling of breath at home base, and the stillness, silence and spaciousness you sense.

Start where you are able, and attempt to increase the meditation duration and frequency so that by next class day, you're sitting for a minimum of 5 minutes and sitting twice a day. Be patient and gentle with yourself and persevere.

When the sitting time is over, record what you have experienced for discussion in next week’s class.

Week #1 Recap & Weekly Assignment

2009-09-21T19:47:00.004-05:00

In class tonight we defined equanimity as impartiality, no preferences, no liking or disliking, no judgment and no reaction. We experienced that when we get still, we notice movement or change, and the more still we can get, the more acutely aware of movement we become. Noticing with equanimity then looks like getting very still and feeling breathing without trying to change it, or hearing a noise outside without judging it to be too loud, or being aware of having a thought without trying to shut it out, make it go away, or make a story about it with more thought. And we noticed, through direct experience, that when we get still and notice with equanimity, we notice that what does not change or move is the noticing, the awareness, itself.

The assignment (i'm going to start calling them explorations instead of assignments!) this week is to take a minimum of 5 minutes per day to get still and simply notice with equanimity what is. Please write out your findings and bring them to class next week for sharing and discussion. Journey well!

PS: please give yourself a little extra traveling time next week due to local road construction, so we can start as close to 6:00 PM as possible. thanks!

Syllabus for Part I: Meditation as a Tool for Focusing in Awareness

2009-09-19T12:35:00.001-05:00

Week 1:

Introduction to the course
Review of Course Objectives and Results for Parts I and II
Getting still, quiet and focused – why and how
Noticing ‘what is’ with equanimity
Weekly assignment

Week 2:

Getting still, quiet and focused – breath as a reference point
Weekly assignment

Week 3:

Meditation – focusing on sensations of breath with equanimity
Weekly assignment

Week 4:

Meditation – focusing on inner body energy with equanimity
weekly assignment

Week 5:

Meditation – noticing thoughts and feelings with equanimity, focusing in awareness
Weekly assignment

Week 6:

Meditation – noticing thoughts and feelings with equanimity, focusing in awareness
Weekly assignment

Welcome to Focusing in Awareness - a 12-week Course

2009-08-17T11:27:00.000-05:00

Look here for session recaps, weekly assignments and participant discussions.