Week #3 Addendum

From the perspective of the separate sense of self – what I refer to internally as well as externally as ‘me,’ ‘myself,’ ‘I’ – from this perspective, there is a sense of ownership and sovereignty: “I exist.” “I experience.” “I have thoughts and feelings.” “I have likes, dislikes, viewpoints, desires and fears, etc.” This is the perspective that we, as human beings, learn, adopt, and apparently ‘naturally’ adapt to. This is the perspective most of us have held for most or all of our lives. But when I am seeing from this perspective, it doesn’t seem like a perspective at all… it seems solid and real – like life and reality.

When ‘something happens’ that apparently causes a shift out of this perspective and into the perspective of bare, naked, impersonal awareness (impersonal, meaning without the clothing of a personal, separate sense of self) life and reality are seen directly, without that overlay or filter of the personal, separate sense of self. In other words, life and reality are seen by no-one. In this perspective of awareness, the personal, separate sense of self is seen to be not as solid as it used to seem! It is seen to be the ephemeral composition of ideas, beliefs, perceptions, interpretations and emotions – all thoughts, all stories in which ‘I’ am the central character. And the entire life and reality of this central character is seen to be a dream of sorts – a dream in which ‘I’ am the central character. The dream can be one of suffering, or one of happiness and success… it’s still a dream of separation.

 

This dream ‘story of me’ occurs, not separate from, but within the innocence of awareness. And it continues to play out until it doesn’t anymore. It is nothing to combat, shut down, resist, deny or be ashamed of. It is what it is – a play of light, a dream, an illusion of separation that seems absolutely real, but is discovered to be only relatively real. And because it occurs within awareness, within oneness, it is already perfect, whole and complete. Only the story character, the separate sense of self ‘I,’ would make it a problem that needs to be fixed, a dynamic that needs to be stopped, a paradox that needs to be resolved. If ‘you’ could stop the dream from playing out, you would have done so already.

Week #3: The Personal, Separate Sense-of-Self

For me, at times, what I experience as ‘me and my life’ becomes problematic, heavy, sticky, clogged, bogged down because of a certain situation or relationship issue. It feels like I’m being pulled down, pulled under, drowning in the personal identification with thoughts and feelings. 

It is during these times that focusing on the sensation of just this breath becomes a life raft, if only momentarily, that saves me from going under. And while on this life raft, the breath becomes calm and the fog of personal turmoil (and the urgency to get myself free of it) gradually recedes to reveal the clarity of awareness. In the clarity of awareness it is seen that all these thoughts and emotions have created a separate sense of self who needs to do something, needs to figure things out, needs to understand why, needs to be a certain way, in order to get this mess behind ‘me.’

In the clarity of awareness it is seen that this separate sense of self is only a story of me, my life, and others that is based in past and does not need to be carried into future. All of those past associations, stories, stances and perspectives can be dropped with this one breath. What remains is the empty, and simultaneously complete, present unknowing awareness from which any or no action can arise. The burden of the known story of past (i.e., 'me') dissolves, and the freedom of not knowing awareness arises again and again with each breath. 

Week #2: Thoughts, Emotions, Equanimity and Awareness

This is a week of experimenting and discovering - we experiment with an attitude of curiosity and willingness to discover the thoughts and emotions that arise when we are focused in awareness with equanimity. 

It is the 'vantage point' or 'perspective' of seeing in the equanimity of awareness that makes it possible to discover the thoughts and associated feelings that otherwise remain 'under our radar' of awareness. These unnoticed thoughts and feelings can, from their apparently hidden, or undiscovered place of habit, wreak havoc in our lives, especially in the area of self-judgment. 

We are not going to try to stop these thoughts and feelings. Instead, we commit to allowing their presence with equanimity: we allow the thoughts that we usually identify with to just be (they're already there!), but this time we do not fuel them with our attention by making a story about them. And we do not divert our attention away from a strong feeling, or attempt to categorize or analyze it. Rather, we allow the feeling to run its course through the body, feeling its sensation in the body as totally as we can, again without making a story about it.

And if we recognize ourselves in the midst of self-judgment or other story-telling that we're identifying with, we take that recognition as a cue to immediately focus with equanimity on the sensation of just this breath. Then, we go back to the willingness, the allowing, the vantage point of seeing in the equanimity of awareness whatever thoughts and feelings are arising in that awareness... and dissolving in that awareness.

Perspectives

There are different perspectives from which to view this Focused in Awareness Course. Here are two: It can be viewed as four, 75 minute classes in which you listen and react to what Ralph says, and you participate in the content of each class, and then you go on as usual in your daily routine. Or, it can be viewed as 28 days of building the capacity to focus in awareness with equanimity in everyday life, and being open to the possibilities that that practice brings to you. I invite you to view the Course from the latter perspective, participating in the weekly classes, yes, but more importantly, making the focus of each week's content an important part of your daily life. I stated in the Course description that this was "a 4-week Course to change your life." Give it a chance and see what happens.

When you get still, quiet and focused on the sensation of breath – completely focused – what is noticed when there is equanimity, when there is no apparent movement on your part to engage in any way whatsoever with what is noticed during that one breath? There may be many other sensations noticed. There may be sounds, visual patterns, pictures, colors, etc. And it may be noticed that all these sensations are occurring without any one sensation being any more important than any other. It may be noticed that all sensations are being allowed equally – no preferences, no associations, no aversions and no attractions – just noticing, just allowing, just awareness with equanimity. It can be noticed that all of what already is can be  allowed to be exactly as it is without any judgment, manipulation, control, desire or aversion... and can be experienced directly, as it is, without these overlays.

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Week #1: Getting Still, Quiet, and Focused with Equanimity

This first week is devoted to resting in the equanimity that is sensed when we focus only on the sensation of breath in the nostrils. Practice the following for a set period of time, say 5 minutes:

To start, sit down, close your eyes, and get still and quiet. Breathe normally. When you are able to sit still and quiet, focus all your attention on the sensation of breath that you can feel in the nostrils as you inhale and exhale.

Allow with equanimity, everything to be exactly as it is - allow all sensations, sensed from outside your body or inside, all thoughts, and all feelings to just be exactly as they are during the time period you've set for sitting. As each breath comes, focus on the sensation it creates in your nostrils, and allow all else to be exactly as it is.

Notice whatever there is to notice without doing something about it - without 'scratching the itch,' without engaging in self-talk, interpretation, story-making, wondering, etc. And if you find yourself already caught up in a thought, feeling or sensation, don't give it a second thought! Simply return your focus to sensation of the breath that is occurring right now. Notice that all sensations, feelings and thoughts rise up and eventually dissolve away. Notice that only awareness remains constant. Rest in the equanimity of that awareness. This is the practice for Week #1.